World peace, at last: asynchronous Mondays return, the world celebrates.

Ladies and gentlemen, recently, the Federal Government has made a unanimous decision to restate and mandate Federal Asynchronous Mondays. 

It’s ok to have tears of joy in your eyes, for today is a grand day of bipartisan achievement. One can only point this grand stepforward to my article in the County Chronicle which advocated for the return of the beloved Asynchronous Mondays, which were recently reinstated by President Chancellor Biden on April 1. 

“We must come together on Mondays. This Monday, next Monday, and every Monday,” President Biden said.

Due to this event, the first steps for world peace have begun. North Korea and South Korea have joined together once again. Israel and Palestine are now friends again, and the cure to cancer was found earlier today. 

With this, a calm sigh of relief can be had, for our Mondays are back. Our freedom is back, our liberty which was once taken from us with a vice grip has finally had its homecoming. 

Hundreds of students gather on LCHS’s front lawn to host a celebration during the first Monday of the Asynchronous return. Many celebrities also attended this youthful movement, the likes of Kanye West, The Rock, and Taylor Swift.

“Async Mondays have filled the blank space in my life,” Swift said.

“It was bound 2 happen,” West said.

“I feel so happy to finally have my Mondays back”, Senior Coen Leornard said. “Thank goodness Daniel wrote that article.” 

As the weeks pass, students’ grades have gone up significantly. The entire junior class has scored a perfect score on the SAT. 50% of our senior class has been accepted to Harvard Law School.

Asynchronous Mondays have restored the utopia of Earth. The most important thing to come from this is that we get a three day weekend every week.