Parents are being advised to send bottled water or water from home with their children as the county health and weird diseases department has ordered all school water fountains closed down. Local health inspectors are currently testing the school pipelines after several students reported weird illnesses and conditions, infections that they believe they caught after drinking water from the school water fountains.
“We’ve never seen anything like this before,” health specialist Darren Walker said. “This is honestly quite weird. Some of the symptoms I saw these students exhibit were very abnormal.”
Defying the odds of the scientific world, many students reported to the school nurse with concerns about their health.
recent illness that spread, swiftly, throughout the entire school, health specialists have taken the matter into
their own hands, and are currently investigating the cause of this virus. (Karan Singh)
As the specialists continued to test these water fountains, they saw patterns emerge in the students, with symptoms varying based on what fountain they drank at. A handful of students who drank from the math water fountain were seen with math symbols appearing on their skin. Tattoos, circles, and triangles were showing up on these students and their faces.
“I literally have a hexagon on my forehead right now, “ junior Sheryll Nobies said, not wanting to continue with the interview and in a state of distress.
Math teacher Robert Johns, on the other hand, was relieved when he saw these students’ symptoms.
“It was actually good timing,” Johns said. “The copier machine was broken again, so I wasn’t able to copy the classwork for the day. Luckily, we were able to use Sheryll’s forehead to measure the angles of a hexagon.”
On the other side of the school, health specialists noticed that students who had drunk from the water fountain located in the history hallway had started to shape-shift. Sophomore Ruby Hopkins’ hair had started to change shape and form, while freshman Donald Diggory’s t-shirt and pants were transformed into 1730s trousers and a linen shirt. These infected students started to appear more and more like George Washington as the day went on.
Meanwhile, a different type of virus was taking over the English hallway. Those who drank from the English water fountain were exhibiting a new variant of this illness, one that changed the way they acted rather than their appearance.
“I drank the water this morning, and immediately I noticed something was wrong,” senior Lucy Graham said, speaking only in poems and couplets. “Everything that comes out of my mouth now sounds like a song.”
While many students were concerned about their safety and trying to find a cure for their weird conditions, English teacher Joseph Shakespeare was optimistic about the position of the school.
“Everyone should drink from the infected water fountain in the English hallway!” Shakespeare said, ecstatic about the situation. “I’m having such a great time teaching my English students, and listening to all they have to say!”
Although not contagious, the Fool’s disease, as specialists have started to call it, has been spreading rapidly through the school. Students infected by the science water fountain experienced drastic changes to their hair.
“My hair has changed into leaves!” one student said, dashing through the main entrance doors. “If I don’t get out into the sunlight right now, it’s all going to fall out!”
As specialists pursue their tests of the various water fountains located around the school, they speak about what’s to come in the future.
They warn that the school may experience a closure of up to seven to fifteen days as the plumbing system and the water filters are changed. The school’s pipelines will also be getting an upgrade.
The school has also asked the business classes to collaborate on a fundraiser for the upgrades. The school will now be selling a limited edition “Fool’s Water.” With their tagline, “the water with magical qualities,” the school has already raised over a thousand dollars to pay for the renovations by selling water to special-interest brands like April Corporation and Dumb & Sons.
“The old pipes that were installed in the school seventy years ago are finally being changed,” Walker said. “We hope this brings forth a pause on the spread of the illness.”
