It’s a bird! No, it’s a plane! Actually, it’s the magic elevator at Loudoun County High School!
Since the installation, students have been prohibited from riding in the elevator at school. Teachers and staff chalk this regulation up as a safety precaution and to ensure the elevator is only accessible to those who truly need it, but recently the truth has been uncovered.
“I recently broke my foot playing basketball and the school nurse gave me a pass to use the elevator,” senior Carter Gooflitz said. “And there I was in the Triassic Era. Dinosaurs, big and small, on the ground and flying through the sky!”
Gooflitz’s friend, senior Abbie Gumble, didn’t believe Gooflitz when he told her the story. “Dinosaurs? Are you kidding me? So after school, I snuck onto the elevator,” Gumble said. “All of a sudden I’m surrounded by a dark and smelly cave! Out of nowhere a grumbly man-like creature emerged and hit me over the head with a club!”
It seems Gumble had returned to the Paleolithic Era and was ambushed by a caveman. Student after student reported the strange activity they had experienced on the elevator to administrators, but all staff blatantly ignored the students’ cries for answers.
“I mean why would they believe me? Dinosaurs have been dead for years, but I know what I saw,” Gooflitz said. Finally, Gooflitz and his friends stormed the principal’s office in demand of answers.
The truth was finally revealed. The elevator at Loudoun County High School was a completely functional time machine.
“Now that the secret is out, I suppose I can provide an explanation for the time-traveling elevator,” Principal Michelle Buttrell said. “The elevator was invented by our talented physics teacher, Mr. Blime.”
Physics teacher Jooey Blime has been at the school for 70 years, since the school’s initial grand opening. “I invented that elevator when the school was being built in 1954. I’m surprised the secret was kept that long,” Blime said.
Upon entering the elevator, Blime installed a time-traveling button in place of where the close button of an elevator typically is. Teachers were always warned not to press the button without permission from Blime, but students who were unaware of the powers of the elevator had no clue what hitting the button would do.
“A few months back, I was prescribed to take the elevator for some recent fainting spells I had been having,” junior Belinda Melon said. “Mr. Blime was in the elevator with me when all of a sudden I was looking around at a beautiful campsite holding a large tribe.”
Melon had returned to the circa 1600’s in Northern Virginia where the Siouan tribe roamed the lands for many years. “It was incredible! As a history buff, I was ecstatic to receive the opportunity to see the things I studied in classes up close and personal,” Melon said.
Due to Melon’s discovery of the elevator, Blime took it upon himself to bring her on to his team. “For my four years at County, I dedicated my time to helping Mr. Blime improve the elevator after school hours,” Melon said.
Melon and Blime discovered that the elevator could travel faster and with less turbulence with the power of a substance known as Gloombalite. “Gloombalite made it possible to pick the era that the traveler wanted to travel to,” Blime said.
After word got out about the elevator, the school filled with people far and wide in an attempt to witness the powers of the time-traveling elevator. “I have always had this dream of visiting the Wild West. With the help of the elevator, I was surrounded by ranches and cattle in no time! Cowboys left and right!” community member Plaul Bunion said.
Soon enough, scientists at NASA had to see the magic of the elevator, as well as the President of the United States. “As the current President of the United States, I have only ever dreamed of meeting George Washington, our first president in office. Thank you Loudoun County High School for fulfilling this dream,” President Jome Briden said.
The school has received an abundance of positive media coverage from the elevator, but behind the scenes, the elevator has caused some issues. “We had a student who went back to the disco in the 70’s,” Buttrell said. “Unfortunately, the student took an attempt to change history, saving his father from almost drowning”
“It was a real-life “Back to the Future” moment, except unlike Marty, the student, unfortunately, changed history and erased his existence,” Blime said. The parents of the student got involved, bringing in lawyer after lawyer to sue Blime.
“I never intended for this to get so out of hand. Luckily, Belinda and I went back to the future and pushed his father into a lake, hospitalizing him, so he could meet the love of his life.” The student is now back in existence and well.
After this incident, students were banned from using the elevator without supervision and before taking a course on how to properly time travel. “We decided that since the elevator is such a huge part of the school, offering the first-time traveling AP course would be beneficial to students,” Buttrell said.
Along with the addition of permission forms, the hiring of a new school nurse was necessary due to the special injuries. “I have had students come in with dinosaur bites, scurvy, and even the bubonic plague,” new school nurse, Valley Eggo said.
Students have also tried to use the elevator for personal gain. “My first thought when I heard about the elevator was to go back and invest in some stocks and Bitcoin,” Bongo Bills said. “Unfortunately, the elevator decided to take me to World War 2 where I almost died!”
“I tried to go back in time to convince my boyfriend not to break up with me,” Lily Yerp said. “Instead, the elevator dumped me on the moon for the first moon landing without a spacesuit!”
It appears the elevator is smarter than Blime originally intended it to be. “The elevator seems to understand motives for a person’s reasoning about time travel and students who attempt foul play are punished by the elevator,” Blime said.
Students have traveled far and wide to sail the Mayflower, helped in the signing of the Declaration of Independence, and even to the 1960s for a chance to dance their worries away at the first Woodstock. “The elevator was always an invention I was scared to share with the world, but the dreams it has fulfilled and the recognition it has brought to this school is beyond rewarding,” Blime said.
